


Somebody to Love

by Kummerspeck7



Category: Royal Pains
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Demisexuality, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Relationship Discussions, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24961225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kummerspeck7/pseuds/Kummerspeck7
Summary: After a chance run in with an old acquaintance at a charity gala, Hank and Boris reminisce about the past and reflect on the present and their relationship.
Relationships: Boris Kuester von Jurgens-Ratenicz/Hank Lawson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Somebody to Love

“Oh, no.” Hank groaned quietly. 

"Is something the matter?" Boris questioned.

The brunet took a sip of merlot from a crystal goblet while he subtly moved so his back was facing the grand ballroom's entrance. "No, it's nothing."

Boris remained outwardly stoic while he checked to see what exactly was bothering his partner. He swiftly surveyed the scene surrounding them, taking in the impressive display of the charity gala. Hank seemed to be pointedly looking away from--Ah. The problem seemed to be a tall, athletically built brunet man about Hank's age that had just entered the room. He was about to ask Hank who the man was when the stranger surprised him by making eye contact and waving a hand in his direction. 

"I believe the source of your ire is headed this way." Boris warned. He watched with piqued curiosity as Hank's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed with every step nearer the stranger took. That was certainly interesting.

“Boris! Ken Keller.” The man introduced himself, extending a hand to Boris. He didn't even glance in Hank's direction. "I don't think I've seen you since take your kid to work day back in the eighties! I almost didn't recognize you."

“Ken Keller.” He repeated softly. Why did that name sound familiar?

The man nodded and grinned. “You used to do business with my father.”

“Ah! Marcus. Yes, I was sorry to hear about his passing.”

“Yeah-- Me, too.” He tossed out glibly. His eyes flicked over to Hank and widened slightly. Was that recognition? “Excuse me.”

As fast as he arrived he was gone again. Boris considered asking for details, but a gala hardly seemed the place. Hank's hand stayed white knuckled and clutched at his side until they made their excuses and left twenty minutes later.

&-&-&

Hank threw himself down onto Boris’ feather bed in nothing but his boxers, hair still damp and tousled from the shower. It felt good to be home and away from some memories he definitely wouldn't mind forgetting. Washing the outside world off his skin had felt like luxury and now all he wanted was to replace the memory of what had happened that night way back in 1990 with the feel of Boris' hands on his body in the present.

“I like your fancy pajamas.” He muttered, unfastening the first button of the nobleman's nightwear set.

“I like how you don't wear pajamas.” Boris answered as he closed his book and set it on the bedside table. 

The nobleman reached for him and gently brought their lips together for a tender kiss. Boris didn't run hot like he did. The man considered talking an integral part of foreplay. He liked to be assured of their strong emotional connection before he could shrug off the weight of his responsibilities and let himself move on to the things Hank generally considered foreplay. It had taken some time to get used to and when they first got together Hank had even occasionally wondered if Boris was actually into him, sexually speaking. He'd never dated anyone that seemed more interested in talking than having sex.

During the month or two of their relationship he slowly came to realize he was the only person Boris really touched. They were always so close-- brushing their shoulders, walking in step together, murmuring things into the other's ear-- that it took him longer than it should have to notice just how far Boris stood away from everyone else. The more time they were together the more he realized how incredibly isolated his other half was. The man had to watch every word he said so he didn't tarnish his family's reputation or his own professional one, had to speak a dozen languages flawlessly so no one could mistranslate to him for their own gain, regularly dealt with threats against not only his life but everyone he dared to care about as well, had to keep the peace between the three warring factions of his family who only saw him as a despotic checkbook, and through it all he had to keep his terminal genetic disorder a secret while still searching for the miracle treatment that would save his life. 

As if that wasn't enough it was literally unsafe for him to be within arm's reach of anyone he didn't trust because they could try to kill him, and while his security team was unparalleled, Hank had seen firsthand the damage even a small knife could do in moments when he worked at the hospital. So of course casual contact and speaking openly were deeply intimate to the nobleman. Honestly, even without all those mitigating factors-- if Boris had been a totally unremarkable person living a perfectly average existence-- his preferences still wouldn't have bothered Hank. There was nothing wrong with the way Boris was, it was just different than what he was used to. Not bad different, just new different.

As their relationship passed the six month mark and moved towards a year Hank became increasingly certain that all the chaste touching and talking-as-foreplay before anything sexually explicit could even begin was part of the reason they were still together. There were no lasting miscommunications or festering resentments or any slow drift apart like in every other relationship he'd ever had. They were the perfect team and Hank loved how connected they were emotionally. He really did. Sometimes, though, he just wanted to forget the world and get off-- Like at that very moment when all he wanted was a nice mutual hand job before bed.

“Are you going to tell me about Mr Kenneth Keller?” 

Hank froze. “What about him?”

“That was quite the reaction you had.” The nobleman said in that placid tone that most people found deeply unnerving but Hank generally found ridiculous. “I trust there is more to it?”

He let out a long breath. “We-- We went to highschool together.”

Boris waited for him to continue. 

“And we competed. We were on the same football team. Same position, actually.”

Boris kept watching him. 

“And… He was the first guy I ever kissed. More than kissed.” He added, rolling his eyes. “We got pretty far one night. Then the next day he pretended it never happened. And just to add insult to injury he started bullying me, too. He used to steal my lunch money.” Hank watched as his silver-haired lover remained impassive. Nothing good ever came of that look. “Let me be very clear, Boris. I don't want revenge. You will not do anything to him or his business.”

"Who's to say I would have done anything?" The man questioned loftily as if the very idea was preposterous. Hank frowned. "Fzt, very well. I won't do anything you do not want me to."

"Thank you." He sighed gratefully. "How about you? You went to Eton--Isn't that an all boys' school? You must have had a few regrettable trysts of your own."

Boris shook his head. “I grew up in a different world in another era, Hank. It simply wasn't done, and certainly not openly by people in my position. I was in my early thirties when I had my first dalliance with a man.”

"Dalliance? Really?" Hank teased. "I can't imagine having to wait that long. Actually, I don't think I've ever asked: what was your 'Awakening'?"

Boris furrowed his brows. "What?"

"When was the first time you looked at a man and felt something you just couldn't explain?" He explained.

"Ah, Robert Redford and Paul Newman in The Sting." The nobleman answered immediately. "I saw it about five years after it was released on BetaMax at school. I was still very young, perhaps twelve? At first I thought it was the wardrobe or the winding plot or just-- hormones. I was really looking for anything that might explain why I was so fascinated."

"You know, I just can't imagine you as a horny teenager." 

Boris nearly scoffed. "Compared to my classmates? I was a monk."

"Wait-- let me guess." Hank stopped him. "You carried around a copy of Wordsworth poems and read Wuthering Heights every time you had a crush but never actually made a move?"

"We can't all be suave, oversexed American football players." Boris groused as he looked up and over, his personal not-quite-an-eyeroll. "Also, it wasn't Wordsworth; it was Keats."

"I was close, though."

"You were." He admitted. "I won't even guess how you knew about Wuthering Heights."

"I've seen the old copy you keep in the locking drawer of your desk. It was really just putting two and two together." Hank brushed off. "So you were never tempted to do anything… Untoward?"

"I didn't say that. There was one teacher I was very attached to in the later part of my time at Eton-- Professor Voglio. He taught immersive Spanish and looked like Fabio with a ducktail. There were rumors about his… Proclivities? I used to listen in on the stories when I could and they certainly caused me to realize some things about myself quicker than I otherwise would have."

"What were the stories?" Hank asked, interested. "There was more than one?"

"They were quite salacious. Some said he got his position by spending the entire day under the chancellors' desk and that he enjoyed it more than the chancellor had. Some said his home was entirely covered in either Asian floor beds or Moroccan floor pillows depending on the version and he kept a harem of eager male lovers in oversized decorative birdcages. My favorite-- And this was the iteration everyone found most perverse--" Boris laughed softly at the memory. "--Was that the Professor lived in a handsome brownstone with a man he referred to as his beloved husband when amongst friends and they lived a perfectly ordinary life together. I suspected then that I could be very interested in such a situation."

Hank tilted his head. "But another fifteen years went by before you tried anything like it."

Boris nodded. "What about you, Hank? When did you first suspect women were not the only thing you were attracted to?"

"Bruce Hall from REO Speedwagon." He reminisced. "I thought it was because of his hair at first: it was long and curly, so I thought maybe he looked just enough like a woman to do it for me. Then I realized what I was actually really into was how he played his guitar-- Running his hands up and down over the length of the neck and how he ground his hips against it. I was pretty young, so I didn't quite get it then." 

Boris raised an eyebrow. "When did you 'get it'? You must have still been young if you and Mr Keller went to highschool together."

"Yeah, I was seventeen and Winnie and I were on the outs. I was not a great boyfriend." Hank admitted. "Anyway, we--the football team-- played a tournament about an hour and a half away in Toms River. After the game we hit the showers and that's when I caught Keller staring at me."

"You exchanged furtive, lustful glances in an all male group shower?"

"Oh, it wasn't furtive. I made eye contact and smiled." He clarified.

Boris shook his head. "I cannot begin to imagine being that forward. I assume it paid off-- Short-term, at least?"

"You could say that. Short-term." Hank answered with a knowing smirk. "We got back on our team bus at night, so it was dark. He and I took the small seat in the back row and fooled around the entire way home. Do you know how many people there are on a football team? That bus was packed; I still don't know how we didn't get caught."

"Did you ever discover why he changed his behavior after?" 

"No. He was fine when we got off the bus, then the next day he refused to talk to me and cheated off my math test." Hank combed a hand through his hair while dismissing the lingering irritation. "What about you? What finally pushed you into trying it after fifteen years?"

Boris licked his lips. "You have asked me many times about Turkmenistan."

"You're messing with me." 

"I--Am not." The nobleman promised with an amused little grin. "Six of us went into Turkmenistan to establish-- with evidence-- that the government was involved in some particularly egregious human rights violations that involved the European Union."

"Very conducive to romance." Hank quipped. "Go on."

"The team that day was made up of two security members, a local informant, Dmitry, myself, and my friend whom I've told you about--Guy Childs. Guy was there in his capacity as a journalist." Boris recalled. "He had almost everything he needed to publish. We had plenty of evidence: we had interviews, we had photographs, we had incriminating paperwork. He just wanted one official to give us a voice clip to 'put it over the top', as he said."

"I'm going to guess it didn't go as well as you'd hoped?"

Boris let out a deep breath. "No, it did not. He had his own security force swarm the office. Fortunately four of our team were not caught, but Guy and I were… Detained. We knew my security team and Dmitry were working to get us released, but we were not certain they could intervene in time-- Not after our captors informed us we were to be summarily executed at dawn."

"Were they bluffing? Was it an intimidation tactic?"

"We had no reason not to believe them." The nobleman answered, taking his partner's hand into his own. "Guy and I spent the remainder of that afternoon and well into the night talking about our greatest moments and bitterest regrets. Amongst mine was that though I'd been tempted many times I'd never given in to my attraction to men."

"What did he say to that?" Hank asked. 

"He said that for people like he and I-- people who were attracted to the same sex as well as the opposite and who could conceivably go our entire lives passing as heterosexual-- the decision to act on those desires for the first time could feel monumental. He helped me reframe my thinking: for a long time I thought I was not ready to make the decision to accept that part of myself, but he pointed out that I was already making the decision each and every day to deny how I felt. I hadn't even known he felt the same way I did about men and I certainly didn't know he'd had several male lovers through the years."

"It sounds like he gave you some good advice."

"He did. At some point very late that night Galiel and a full cadre of around thirty descended on the site and rescued us. It was absolute chaos with smoke bombs and gunfire and even a flash bang while we were rushed into a car with Dmitry and Natan. They drove as fast and as far away as they could until the sky lightened with approaching dawn and it was no longer safe to continue. I still do not know which country we ended up in that night." He shook his head. "We arrived at a little roadside hotel and checked in as a group. Natan and Dmitry took the flanking rooms while mine and Guy's were in the middle."

"That sounds like a big risk."

"It was. We had no way of knowing if they would let us rest or immediately call the police. Dmitry had arranged for a set of clean clothing for me, so the first thing I did once getting into my room was too take a shower. When I got out Guy was waiting for me on the bed. He--" Boris waved a hand slightly looking for the right phrase. "Offered himself to me. He said he wished to be my first and after a moment I agreed. At first I wasn't sure if I would be able to properly enjoy it with someone I did not have romantic feelings for, but then he kissed me and I found myself kissing him back. It all happened very quickly after that and once we'd finished the rush in our blood from the previous twenty-four hours settled down and we liberated the room of its liquor."

"You got drunk on nip bottles at a no-tell motel after your first time?" Hank clarified, sounding both surprised and a little dismayed.

"Yes. I remember watching the sun rise in the east that morning as we laid together; I wondered if I fell asleep first would I wake up alone? Dmitry found us just after sunset that evening only slightly drunk but very much still nude in bed together. He rolled his eyes and told us to get dressed. Once we were safely on the plane I attempted to speak with my brother about what he'd walked in on but he mocked me and said it was 'almost the turn of the millennia and even mainstream television has gay characters'." Boris let out a deep breath. "I hadn't even realized how concerned I had been about his reaction, and when it wasn't an issue it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. If the person I cared for most in the world wasn't bothered by it then why should I be? After that it stopped feeling like something I had to hide, so I didn't."

Boris sighed contentedly as Hank reached out to draw him in for a gentle, lingering kiss. He didn't run hot like Hank did; he never had. Hank never made him feel lesser for it: the man never made a single offhand joke about it, never questioned it, never once tried to move things faster than he was willing to go. For the first time in his life he felt completely accepted, wholly understood, and most importantly-- consistently safe.

"I'm glad it ended well, but I can't help but feel a little disappointed for you." Hank finally said after a moment of quiet. "I know how important the emotional connection part of it is to you and I'm I'm sorry you didn't get that for your first time."

"No one gets a perfect first time, Hank."

"I did." He disagreed. "My first time with another man, we watched the Mets actually win a game and then had sex on the couch to celebrate. It was perfect. At that point in my life it was everything I wanted and I wish you could have had that, too."

"I do have everything I want." Boris murmured. "It just took me longer to get it. If the path was difficult, if it was littered with heartaches and plagued by setbacks and mired in loneliness-- my journey was worth every moment to find you at the end."

"I love you, Boris." 

"Good." He answered, pulling his lover towards him. "After all this talk of the past, I'm very interested in… Shall we say… Experiencing the present with you?"

Hank grinned.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Pride Month, everyone! 
> 
> I've always seen Boris as being a little demisexual, so I'm glad I finally got an explore that. Also I don't see a lot of asexual spectrum representation out there so this seemed like a great opportunity! I also love talking to people in the community about the weird feelings they had in their preteen years that didn't make sense until they realized they were LGBT+ (Mine was Sam from Totally Spies, I literally felt short of breath when I thought about her, haha-- Comment yours if you have one!)
> 
> Anyway I didn't mean to make Boris' first time dark but everything in his life is complicated and of course he couldn't just pick up a nice guy at a bar or something. Next up should be Part Two of my series finale fix-it fics!


End file.
